


apricity

by titaniaeli



Category: Horimiya
Genre: Anxiety, Exhaustion, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Multi, Platonic Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-21
Packaged: 2019-06-30 02:19:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15742143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/titaniaeli/pseuds/titaniaeli
Summary: There were bad days that could sometimes span to weeks; restlessness under his fingertips, anxiety and stress keeping him awake at night, a deep loneliness that feels like an abyss trying to swallow him whole. Ishikawa Tooru never had friends that cared so much about his welfare and happiness before.





	1. Chapter 1

He had thought that third year was going to be different. He was kind of excited at first, being in the same class with all his friends. The excitement soon faded after the first week. It wasn’t that much different from second year, except for the startling increase of homework.

Fortunately, he has Hori Kyouko willing to help him study for his Math. In fact, she seemed to be having too much glee trying to beat the format of equations into his head.

 _Sadist_ , he mused, but his thoughts were recently tinged with a strange fondness for the girl he used to like. Kyouko’s rejection had been brutal on his heart in the beginning, made much worse that she was smitten with Miyamura Izumi, who has become one of his best friends.

He never thought that he’d become such good friends with that gloomy-looking kid, but stranger things have happened, he supposed.

His feelings for Kyouko have faded a long time ago, but he never wanted to feel the sting of heartbreak again.

Yuki was the surprise, but a _nice_ surprise. Their relationship right now was tentative, but it was a sweet affection that never failed to bring a flutter to his heart. Thinking about her brought a warm flush to his cheeks, and he quickly squashed down thoughts of mischievous eyes, ash blond hair that curled adorably away from her face and that beaming smile like the first hint of the sun peeking over the horizon.

It’s far too early to be this cheesy.

Talking about early... It’s far too early to be awake. He still has three hours to prepare for school, but he didn’t want to go back to bed. Not that he had been asleep anyway.

Sleep was an elusive thing recently. He could feel the worry and anxiety like an old friend rising to the surface, dogging his steps in his cold, lonely house. He spent the last few nights finishing up his homework, and when he’s done, meandered around the house at 3am in the morning doing household chores.

It’s not any surprise that it came to bite him in the ass at school.

He could feel his concentration fraying in class, the effort it had taken to keep on his smiling mask so he would not attract nosy questions harder than usual. He knew he needed rest desperately, and while his usual weird dreams of his friends had blessedly stopped haunting him in the dream world, it was instead taken over by vivid darkness attempting to consume him, falling endlessly into nothingness. He woke up a few times with a scream on his lips, tumbling out of his bed in his panic. The silence in his house had not made things better.

With great effort, he forced himself to head down to the kitchen and make breakfast. He ignored the note _(will not be home for the weekend! – mom xoxo)_ tacked onto the fridge and took out the carton of orange juice.

He lathered a slice of toast with butter, the slow motion of his wrist moving back and forth almost therapeutic. Fortunately, the outside was slowly filled with the shrill chirps of the birds, distracting him from the emptiness of his house.

An hour later, he’s out of the house.

* * *

“Good morning, Ishikawa-kun!” Izumi greeted cheerfully. A moment later, he blinked in surprise as he realized the time. “Oh, you’re early today.”

“It’s a nice day today.” He said simply. And it really was a nice day today. The sky was blue, the chill pleasant enough to be comfortable but not biting and the air was fresh with the scent of autumn.

The only ones in class were Kyouko and Izumi, who both easily invited him into their circle. A few months ago, he’d have been squirming with heartache and jealousy, but now he felt warmth bloomed in his chest.

He sent a quick text to Yuki about her whereabouts. The girl tended to oversleep sometimes, and their friendship had been built on reminding each other to wake up early for school. He felt a little guilty of the white lies he has been feeding her lately. He hasn’t been going to bed early despite her reminders, slightly relieved that she couldn’t guess his tells through the phone.

Yuki raced in just seconds before their homeroom teacher did, prompting a small burst of laughter from his lips. She sent him a mock glare as she quickly settled down in her seat.

Her smile sent a burst of energy through his body, enough to dampen the ache behind his eyes and the lethargy in his bones. At least he didn’t need to focus so much on Japanese class, unlike a frantic Izumi squinting nervously at the blackboard. 

The next few hours remained a distinct blur. He barely took down any notes, a slight shiver in his hand that reminded him of how laughably pitiful he’s feeling. His whole body felt heavy, like there’s rocks stuffed in between his skin and bones.

When the lunch bell rang, he nearly jumped out of his seat in surprise.

“Tooru!” Yuki called, already carrying her lunch box in her hands. “Come on, let’s go!”

Right, it’s lunchtime.

He hoped that the cafeteria was selling some steamed buns to fill his tummy. His stomach felt tight and uneasy, and he remembered that he only had a slice of toast for breakfast this morning. He doesn’t really feel hungry though; the toast had tasted like ashes in his mouth.

He followed Yuki out of the classroom, a smile twitching at the corner of his lips as she launched into a story of why she was nearly late this morning. Izumi and Kyouko were walking ahead of them, hands brushing against each other.

He nearly rolled his eyes at their secretive smiles and bright eyes. Honestly, they were like newlyweds on their honeymoon.

“Sengoku!” Kyouko shouted abruptly, causing every student in the corridor to turn and look at her.

The Student Council President instinctively flinched, taking a step backward as if he wanted to hide behind Remi for protection. Sakura giggled softly and nodded her greeting at them.

He bit back a groan of irritation. He loved his friends, really. But today was not a really good day for mingling. A persistent ache throbbed behind his eyes and the queasiness in his stomach rocked through his body. He faltered in his steps, trying to regain his equilibrium.  

Yuki had run ahead towards Sakura and Remi. The three girls have been getting closer lately. It’s nice to see Yuki having more female friends to hang around. She has been getting a little lonely since Kyouko got together with Izumi.

He grabbed the chance to breathe, resting his arm against the wall to support his weight. Suddenly, it’s like he’s shouldering a boulder on his back. He could feel every bone and muscle and nerve in his body warring against his fragile control.

His vision was fuzzy around the edges, and he felt lightheaded and unbalanced. He focused on the ridged edge from the plaster on the wall, digging into the thin flesh of his forearm. _No_ , he thought, _don’t fall._ His pleas go unheard as his body swayed and he lost all control of his motor function.

He felt a sharp spike of pain after he fell backwards. He didn’t feel himself hit the ground, and the next second he’s staring up at the ceiling, blinking deliriously as he tried to raise an arm.

There’s a yell of panic, chaos breaking out in the corridor as he fell. He blissfully passed out before the noises could continue to stab his head.

* * *

Sakura was the first one to see Tooru falling, her eyes widening as she cried out his name in surprise, but Izumi was the first to react. He wrenched himself from his girlfriend’s side, dashing to Tooru’s side.

Tooru’s eyes were glazed over, fluttering weakly under the fluorescent glare. The colour looked bluer than violet at this point, darkened with sluggishness.

“Ishikawa-kun!” He called, worrying his bottom lip. The skin under his hand was cold and Tooru remained unresponsive no matter how hard he shook his friend.

It was scary, and Izumi has no idea what he should do now.

“Sensei!” Remi was shouting, dashing down the corridor. “Sensei!”

When Izumi tried to shift Tooru, the latter let out a whimper. He froze as if he had been struck.

“I think he hurt himself when he fell.” Kyouko frowned. She crouched down gracefully, her skirt barely flaring up as she dropped to her knees. She gently checked the back of Tooru’s head with her fingers. “Not a head injury, thankfully.”

He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding. Head injuries were bad, and Tooru had gone down hard.

“It’s okay, Yoshikawa-kun,” he looked at Yuki carefully. “He’s going to be fine.”

Yuki didn’t respond, but he didn’t take it to heart. She was clearly worried, clutching Tooru’s hand tightly.

He felt like a horrible friend for not noticing Tooru’s condition earlier. He had thought Tooru looked a little tired this morning, but he had simply assumed that the boy didn’t sleep well last night, hence his appearance in class so early today. He should have known that a listless Tooru was abnormal. He should have _known_.

“Move aside!” The familiar voice of Yasuda-sensei was a relief. Their English teacher shoved his way through the crowd, not even bothering to acknowledge them before he’s lifting Tooru into his arms.

“Wait, Sensei,” Yuki gasped. “He’s hurt!”

Either the fall was not so serious, or Tooru had slipped into deep unconsciousness, he didn’t react as he was jostled.

“Got it.” Yasuda-sensei nodded before rushing off.

“Come on,” Kyouko hissed, pulling him up to follow their teacher. A sharp glare from her sent the rest of the students scattering out of their way.

Izumi couldn’t concentrate as he and his friends scampered after Yasuda-sensei. The nausea churned, rolling unpleasantly in his stomach.

Tooru had simply _collapsed_ out of nowhere _._ There was no sign other than a hint of exhaustion in his good morning smile.

He has never seen anything this terrifying, of having to watch his best friend fell, laying lifeless on the ground and not being able to do anything about it.

“Stop panicking.” Kyouko’s tone was curt, but her grip on his hand was gentle. When he looked up from his mild hyperventilating, her dark gaze was also worried.

“Ho—Hori-san,” he stuttered. “I’m a horrible friend, right? I... I didn’t even notice that Ishikawa-kun...”

“Hey,” Kyouko snapped. They came to a stop right outside the infirmary. The door swung shut in front of them, and Izumi’s gaze darted towards the infirmary. She stilled him with a hand on his shoulder; right now they were of no help to Tooru even if they go in anyway. She could only entrust the rest to the school nurse. “Then I guess I’m a shitty friend too, since I _talked_ to him this morning. I even discussed about the class duty list with him. You’re not the only one who didn’t notice anything wrong with Tooru!”

He stared at her blankly as she panted heavily at the end of her rant. She had worked herself up into a fury, her brown eyes flashing dangerously. But this time, he knew that she’s not angry with him, but _at_ herself. He thinks that’s why he loved her so much; her protective instincts when it comes to the people she cared for.

“So you’re saying that none of us is to blame.” He finally said.

She clucked her tongue angrily, folding her arms across her chest. “Well, if I’m blaming anyone, it’s Tooru! He should have told us he’s not feeling well!”

He stifled a bemused smile. Luckily, before she could continue her diatribe, the infirmary door opened.

“Kyou-chan, are you coming in?” Kakeru asked. The poor President still looked half-terrified, and his pale complexion really clashed with the red of his hair.

“How is Ishikawa-kun?” He asked.

“Sensei said that it was nothing serious. She said that it was just fatigue.” Kakeru doesn’t look like he believed her though.

Frankly, after hearing the President’s explanation, Izumi couldn’t quite believe it either. After Tooru fainted like _that_ and scared half of his lifespan off, fatigue sounded almost... trivial compared to the fright they all had.

“Be grateful that it isn’t worse, idiots!” Kyouko scolded, stomping past them. She goes to Yuki’s side immediately, pulling the blonde into a tight hug.

He winced at his girlfriend’s reprimand.

It’s not like he was hoping for something worse. He’s really grateful that it was just fatigue and not something serious. Now that he thought about it, Tooru had been looking rather exhausted lately. His brightness seemed... dimmed. Izumi had chalked it up to homework and exam stress. He didn’t think it would become this bad.

He hurried towards the bed the others were hovering around, and felt sick when he saw how small and weak his friend looked while buried under the heavy blanket. He tentatively sat down on the other side of the bed, reaching out for Tooru’s hand.

 _He_ was the helpless one. The gloomy, dark kid who no one wanted to talk to. Ishikawa Tooru was not supposed to be this frail and helpless, or collapsed suddenly in the middle of the hallway and scared all his friends.

 _When Ishikawa-kun wakes up_ , he thought, _I’m going to make sure he learns how to take care of himself better._


	2. Chapter 2

It wasn’t the first time he found himself waking up in an unfamiliar place. The infirmary wasn’t that much of an unfamiliar place though; he ended up having to see the nurse for various scrapes and bruises over the years. It’s the first time he landed in the infirmary bed though.

He hasn’t suffered a fainting spell for a long time, not since he became friends with Miyamura Izumi.

His insomnia and anxiety were a terrible combination, and when both of them got too bad, he tends to pass out from exhaustion. But this never happened in school before.

Perhaps graduation had bothered him more than he thought.

He didn’t panic when he regained consciousness, his head full of cotton. It felt like there’s pebbles in his mouth, weighing his jaw down. His limbs were stiff, and his shoulder blade hurts when he tried to move.

 _That_ was a new one though.

“Ishikawa!” Shu shrieked, nearly deafening him from the sheer volume. “You’re awake!”

He bit back a tired groan and turned away, flinching in pain as his head throbbed in protest.

“Shut up, Iura!” Another voice barked.

He’s too disorientated to recognize the unknown voice, but he was conscious enough to be aware of the crowd surrounding him.

“Too... many...” He wheezed. His vision was still blurry and there was an odd, staticky noise in one ear. He felt claustrophobic, caged in by the faint blobs of shapes around him.

“Alright,” a new voice said loudly. “Everyone, back away!”

 _Yoshikawa,_ he thought. This was a voice he recognized.

The panic eased in his chest and he reached out blindly. A pair of smaller hands caught his flailing hands, held them tight and reassuring. A warm body sank down next to him, tugging him gently into the soft curve of a hip.

He smelled lavender and cocoa.

“Tooru,” Yuki said firmly, and _wow, could she get any more attractive?_ He felt her calming voice steadied him. “Are you feeling better?”

“Maybe,” he whispered, his lashes brushing against her collar. His tongue felt leaden in his mouth. Even speaking that one word was a chore. Her face focused in front of him, and he blinked tiredly up at her.

“Welcome back, Tooru.” She smiled sweetly.

He blushed, dark and crimson high on his cheeks. Despite Yuki holding him close, he was still aware of the rest of their friends waiting at the side.

He never wanted them to see this side of him.

Oh god, was that Akane too? Was the whole damn squad in the infirmary with him?

“Hey,” Izumi crept forward, a hesitant smile on his face. “You alright, Ishikawa-kun?”

He still felt like shit. It would take hours before he completely recovered from his fainting spell. He tried to open his mouth and reply, but he’s still so, so tired.

The hand resting lightly against Yuki’s stomach curled into a fist, fingers clenching into her blouse. The blush on his cheeks has dimmed slightly, but the warmness around his ears swelled.

He felt immensely vulnerable, and he didn’t like it.

 _I want to go home,_ he thought.

“It’s getting late,” Sakura said softly and bless this girl for being so perceptive and considerate. “I don’t think the infirmary is comfortable for Ishikawa-kun. Perhaps someone can take him home?”

Yuki’s grip tightened around him, and she must be nodding in response because Sakura looked away and gestured to someone else. He was too drained to raise his head.

A second later, he could feel another pair of hands helping him up. There’s a sharp twinge in his shoulder, but it’s a bearable pain. He could feel a slight stiffness under his shirt, like there’s a large plaster over his skin.

“Come on,” Kyouko’s voice was right at his ear. “Let’s get you home.”

There were some murmurs, raised voices that was swiftly shot down after a particular murderous glare from Kyouko, and then everyone was approaching one by one.

“I’ll see you soon, Ishikawa.” Shu said in a quiet voice. His indoor voice, as Tooru liked to coin it. “Rest well, okay?”

The blanket pooled around his hips as he sat up, his feet brushing against the cold floor of the infirmary. He was growing more alert, but his body still felt sluggish and heavy.

“Text Remi when you’re feeling better, okay?” Remi blinked worried eyes at him, one of her pigtails suspiciously lopsided.

“Okay.” He managed to muster up a response, and was rewarded with a delighted grin from Remi.

“Please take care of yourself, To—Tooru.” Akane stammered. “I hope to see you back to school soon!”

He was tugged away by Remi, but he continued to shoot anxious looks over his shoulder at Tooru, which was frankly flattering to receive such concern.

Sakura gave him a swift hug, followed by a nervous blush, before she left.

By the time Kakeru was standing in front of him, Tooru felt wrung out by the sudden attention from his friends.

Kakeru took off his blazer and draped it over Tooru’s shoulders, careful not to touch his injured side. Then, he untied his own scarf around his neck and wrapped them around Tooru’s throat.

“It’s cold outside.” Kakeru nagged. “Best not to catch a cold on top of this!” He abruptly turned to Izumi, a frown on his face. “Make sure he gets enough rest, Miyamura-kun!”

Before Izumi could stutter out a reply, Kyouko finally lost her temper.

“Get lost already, Sengoku!” Kyouko snapped. “It’s getting late, and I want to get out of school!”

Ah, so _embarrassing_.

He absently tugged the blazer closer to his chest, hiding his face in the scarf. _Such an idiot,_ he thought, _what about himself?_

He didn’t realize he was listing until Yuki grabbed his shoulders to hold him upright.

“Shall we go now, Tooru?” She asked, her brows furrowing. “Can you walk?”

He’s exhausted, not crippled. He inwardly shook his head in defeat. He sure was snappy when he was exhausted.

He’s swaying as he walked, with Yuki clutching his arm. She’s too small for him to lean on, and he’s afraid that they might just topple over if he tried.

Just as he’s busy contemplating the pros and cons in using Yuki as a support, Izumi came up to him and tossed his other arm over his shoulder.

“Let’s go home, Ishikawa-kun!” Izumi grinned, but there’s a brittle edge to that smile and Tooru doesn’t want to think too much over it.

There was already a cab waiting at the entrance when the four finally make their way out of school.

Kyouko climbed into the front, while the three of them squeezed into the back.

Yuki recited his home address to the driver, and Tooru let his eyes fall shut, leaning against Izumi. He felt the other boy startled slightly, and he hid a smile as his head dropped onto Izumi’s shoulder.

* * *

Even though he had heard of how huge Tooru’s house was, he was still surprised when the cab dropped them off in front of the Ishikawa residence.

He lightly shook Tooru awake when they arrived, hiding a snort as the taller boy blinked awake. It’s not often that he thought his friends were cute—he’s usually too smitten with Kyouko to notice anyone else—but the dazed, wide-eyed look and the way that particular lock of stubborn purple hair refused to lie flat was really endearing.

He has eyes, and he knows that all his friends were attractive. Why else would Kyouko be so worried of the girls—and _boys_ hanging around him? 

“Keys, keys,” Yuki mumbled, rummaging through Tooru’s backpack. “Bring him over, Hori.”

Kyouko’s eyes were wide as she looked around, barely even watching her steps as she walked towards Yuki.

“Yashiro-san won’t be around until next week.” Yuki said. “So Tooru is basically alone at home.”

Izumi wanted to ask who this _Yashiro-san_ was, but the words died on his lips when they finally entered the house.

There’s really a tv hanging on the wall, and there’s even a staircase leading up to a second floor. It was definitely a beautiful house, but there’s a palpable desolation hanging like a black cloud.

He has questions on the tip of his tongue, but this wasn’t the right time to ask.

“Where’s your kitchen?” Kyouko asked, dropping her bag beside the couch and rolling up her sleeves. She was already behaving like she’s the owner of the house and undoubtedly would be ransacking the kitchen.

“Go down the hallway and turn right.” Yuki was the one who answered instead.

Kyouko gave her a long look, raising a brow. Instead of saying anything though, she merely nodded and went down the hallway as instructed.

“Come on, let’s get you to your room!” Yuki said cheerfully, guiding Tooru up the stairs.

There were _many_ rooms on the second floor. Izumi couldn’t resist looking into each room as they walked down the corridor. He knew that Tooru was an only child, so having such a large house was rather redundant.

The wealthy really lived in another world.

“Sorry it’s a little messy.” Tooru finally said as Yuki led them into a room. There’s a PlayStation in the corner, some shelves of books and a single bed that’s bigger than average.

“It’s... fine.” He said distractedly, looking around with wide eyes. Compared to the rest of the house, Tooru’s room looked homelier.

It looked like a normal teenager boy’s room.

Tooru stifled a yawn behind a hand as he sat down on his bed, immediately curling his legs under his body. He hunched his body as if he’s trying to make himself smaller, Kakeru’s blazer still hanging loose around his shoulders.

“You can go home now.” Tooru said quietly, not looking at either of them in the eye. His hands trembled slightly as he uncoiled the scarf from his neck. “I... I don’t want to keep you guys from your families.”

Izumi thought of this large house, beautiful but silent in its emptiness. He thought of leaving Tooru alone in this house, and instantly every cell in his body rebelled at that thought.

Before he could say anything though, the door was kicked open and Kyouko walked in with a large pot.

“Hori-san!” He yelped in surprise.

She ignored him and placed the pot on the coffee table in the middle of the room.

“Hey, I need some help with the bowls and spoons.” She commanded.

Tooru blinked owlishly at her, but if he’s annoyed that she had seemingly taken over his kitchen without asking for permission, it did not show on his face.

“I’ll go with you!” Yuki declared.

“ _You_ stay put.” Kyouko said sharply as she glared at Tooru, who was already trying to get off the bed to help. “I managed to find some rice and leftover chicken in the fridge. This is the fastest dish I can make.”

“It’s fine.” Tooru said softly, his cheeks pink.

The two girls left the room, leaving Izumi alone with Tooru. For the next few minutes, they stared at the pot in silence, waiting for the rice porridge to finish heating.

“I was really scared.” He said abruptly.

Tooru stared at him in surprise.

His shoulders tightened with tension, his cheeks starting to suffuse with colour. He avoided looking at Tooru’s direction.

“Don’t ever do that to me again.” He mumbled.

The silence dragged on, but he refused to look over.

Finally, “Okay.”

Tooru’s voice was unexpectedly soft, tinged with a hint of _something_ that made Izumi’s heart skipped a beat. When he peeked over, Tooru’s expression was inscrutable, but he got it.

Boys don’t need to say much to understand each other.

* * *

Even in a bigger than average single bed, having four people squeezed in the bed was no mean feat. Izumi and Tooru ended up in the middle, for some reason. Kyouko had claimed that she didn’t like to be boxed in when she’s sleeping, and remembering her tendency to flail around while dreaming, Izumi was quick to agree to their sleeping arrangement.

Tooru was already half-asleep after their quick dinner, so they bundled him up and tucked him in bed.

Izumi slid under the blanket, gazing at Tooru’s face pensively. The latter’s eyes were closed, his expression relaxed. He was sleeping back to back with Yuki before, who had flopped over in her sleep, one skinny arm draped over his waist. She’s going to have a heart attack when she wakes up in the morning.

Izumi wasn’t sure where exactly they were in their relationship. The couple didn’t seem to act very different from before, although he didn’t miss their lingering touches and silent looks.

“Go to sleep already, Miyamura.” Tooru said groggily.

He nearly shrieked in surprise. Kyouko’s elbow jabbed into his back and he quieted down instantly.

“I thought you were sleeping!” He hissed. “Why are you still awake?”

“I can feel you staring at me.” Tooru said flatly. In the dark, it was hard to see his expression, but they were close enough that he could see the slight embarrassment in violet eyes.

“Sorry,” he muttered, his own cheeks heating up.

He wanted to shift away, but there was really no other space to move. If he moved back further, Kyouko was going to be knocked out of the bed, and she’s going to kill him if he shoved her onto the floor.

“Thank you.” Tooru said quietly. He ducked his head, hiding his flaming face. The both of them rarely have such sentimental talks.  

Tooru has always been one of the popular kids in middle school. He was friendly and easy-going enough that no one had any difficulty talking to him. Even in high school, he doesn’t have much hardship finding friends.

But he never really has friends like Izumi and Yuki and Kyouko and everyone else. Friends who he could sleepover at their houses and play video games till the wee hours. Friends who were willing to bring him home after he collapsed in school, make sure he’s hydrated and warm, and stayed at his house overnight so they could watch over him more easily.

It makes an eighteen-year-old boy feel like he could conquer the world like this.

He was so lucky. He was so very lucky.

“You’ll do the same for me.” Izumi smiled.

Yep, really lucky indeed.

**Author's Note:**

> do anyone even still read horimiya at this point?


End file.
